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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954076">If I Was Willing...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/missedurtext/pseuds/missedurtext'>missedurtext</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arthur is an idiot, Canon Era, First Kiss, Frottage, M/M, Making Out, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sexual Tension, but that's nothing new</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/missedurtext/pseuds/missedurtext</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a conversation with a leery noble, Arthur feels the need to reassure Merlin that he'd never take advantage of a servant who didn't want him to. Luckily for him however, Merlin sort of does want him to..</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If I Was Willing...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi.... this is my first time posting my writing on here and I am VERY nervous about it :')</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy...whatever this is. And pls leave feedback in the comments if you have any :)</p>
<p>((Also please excuse any typos, I wrote most of this at 1am))</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts when Merlin finds Arthur in a hallway of the castle near the throne room, in conversation with some visiting son of a nobleman. The sideways glance Arthur shoots at him would look totally inconspicuous to anyone else, but Merlin has known Arthur long enough to be able to interpret this look to mean "please get me away from this conversation right now". So Merlin helpfully pipes up, "One of your knights wishes to talk to you, Sire. Very urgent, he says." It isn't the best excuse he's ever come up with, but he's fairly assured that the nobleman's son won't question private royal business. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Ah, thank you, Merlin." Arthur turns to the nobleman's son. "Please, excuse me. I ought to go and see what he wants." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Of course," the young man nods. Then he, too, gives Merlin a sideways glance, but his eyes flicker up and down, taking in all of him. Merlin stands a little awkwardly whilst he does this, thinking he'd like to be able to talk back to other nobles the way he does to Arthur. "This is your manservant, I take it, my lord?" the man asks Arthur. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yes, this is Merlin," Arthur nods, taking a small step closer to Merlin's side. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A small smile quirks the corners of the young man's mouth. "I trust that you've taken advantage of his...services quite frequently?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes a moment for Merlin to realise the implications behind these words, and when he does he quickly looks down at the ground, feeling heat blooming across his face. Beside him, he senses Arthur tense up a little. The nobleman's son laughs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No need to look like that, my lord. Plenty of us do it. It isn't just the maids that can provide a little bed-warming." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I can assure you," Arthur says, his voice low and edged with anger. "That I do not use any of my servants for such purposes, least of all Merlin."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Of course, my lord." The nobleman's son casts another glance over Merlin. "Although, if he were my manservant...Well." He gives another short laugh. "I'm sure he'd be frequenting my bedchambers."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that moment, Merlin is rather hoping a huge pit in the ground will open up and swallow him whole. Instead, Arthur says tersely, "Good thing he isn't your manservant then," before turning to leave. "Come along Merlin."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The incident isn't discussed until much later that night, whilst Merlin gets Arthur ready for bed. He notices Arthur is uncharacteristically quiet tonight, not making jibes and comments like usual, and with a pensive look on his face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Everything alright, Sire?" Merlin asks, pulling Arthur's night tunic over his head. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yes," Arthur mutters absently. Merlin waits, anticipating more. Suddenly, Arthur looks him straight in the eyes with a solemn expression. "Merlin. What that nobleman's son said earlier. You know I would never take advantage of a servant like that. I'd never force anyone under my employment to do something like that if they didn't want to."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So that was what was troubling him. "I know you wouldn't, Arthur. You're a far better man than he is. You're kinder than that." Merlin pauses. "Although you may not always show it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur laughs a little and the weight of the moment lifts. "You ought to watch your mouth, Merlin, or you won't be under my employment at all."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin laughs too, knowing Arthur never means it. A thought occurs to him suddenly- maybe it's how close they're stood, maybe it's the way the firelight flickers on Arthur's features, but right then Merlin feels brave enough to do something he's often fantasised about ever since he became Arthur's manservant. It was never really just the destiny thing keeping him around, after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So," he begins, lowering his voice, "if you had a servant who was willing…"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur looks at him for a long moment. "If I had a servant who was willing, and if I was also willing, then...it would still be completely forbidden."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"But would that stop you?" Merlin's heart is beating so hard he's surprised Arthur can't hear it, and the heat starting to spread through his body isn't just from the fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Probably not." Arthur's voice is just as low as Merlin's, and there's something in his eyes that Merlin hasn't seen before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So if…" Merlin's resolve trembles, and he swallows, takes a breath. "If, say, I was willing. Would you have reservations then?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is that what you want, Merlin?" Was Arthur's face always this close to his? Merlin isn't sure. He feels light-headed, his breathing heavy, his stomach falling through an endless expanse, and the only thing he can see is Arthur's eyes, his lips, forming words Merlin never thought he'd hear outside of his secret late-night fantasies. "You want to offer your services to your Prince?" Then Arthur's hands are on Merlin's hips, anchoring him to the ground, and the gap between them is even smaller. "You want me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last part was phrased as a statement, rather than a question, but there's something slightly hesitant behind it and Merlin realises; Arthur has let the statement hang in the air, and it's up to Merlin to either take it, or let it fall to the ground and shatter. It would be so, so easy to take it - it's the only thing Merlin can think about right now, with Arthur's hands burning against his hips and Arthur's breath warm on his face. But it would be right to walk away and pretend this never happened. It was completely inappropriate, a Prince and his manservant. It could never become anything more than fooling around. It was set up to fail, born to die, a recipe for disaster. So yes, walking away was the right thing to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But just this once, doing what was easy won out over doing what was right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin took the statement with a slight, almost imperceptible nod of his head. That's all the encouragement Arthur needs, and before he can change his mind Merlin finds himself pressed against the cool stone wall of Arthur's bedchambers, kissing the Prince as if his life depends on it. Arthur's lips are softer than he'd expected, gentle but firm at the same time, kissing with a hunger but also with a tenderness. Arthur's hands have relocated from his hips to cup his face, and Merlin's own hands are gripping Arthur's wrists as though he'll disappear if he lets go, which a part of him still feels like he might; surely this is all just a dream and he'll wake up in a minute, wanting and desperate but alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No wake-up comes though, just more kisses, and Arthur stepping forward to completely close the gap between them. Merlin can feel Arthur's arousal through the fabric of their clothes, solid and warm against him, and a thrill runs through him at the thought that Arthur will feel the same from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mm." Arthur's lips drag from Merlin's own to press lazy, wet kisses all over his neck instead. "You're so hard. Is that what I do to you, hm? You're hard for your prince?" Merlin barely even registers Arthur's words, the feeling of the kisses along his neck are so distracting. Each one sends arrows of pleasure shooting through his body, and he brings a hand up to rest in Arthur's hair, absently giving it encouraging tugs. He manages to mumble out something that might be a yes, but eventually gets lost in a wanton moan as the sensations he's feeling build up and start to spill from his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin's so hard it's almost starting to hurt by now, and he pushes his hips forward into Arthur's, seeking a little relief. Thankfully, Arthur takes the initiative and begins to thrust against Merlin in a steady rhythm, groaning in-between kisses about how good it feels. Merlin allows the pleasure to roll over him in waves, noises he didn't even think he was capable of producing pouring from his mouth. The friction is almost unbearably good. His hips move against Arthur's as if by their own accord, some primal reaction now out of his control. This is the best feeling he's ever experienced, he decides. Better than anything he could do by himself. Better, even, than the way it feels when magic is coursing through his body in the same way desire is doing so now. He wants to sink into this feeling, drown in it, let it consume him completely. Somewhere in the haze of his mind he thinks he's been reduced to a vague shape of something that's only purpose is to want Arthur. And then, after an eternity and yet all too soon, it's coming to a peak and with a hot rush he's crying out Arthur's name and Arthur is chanting his name like a prayer and they're both clutching at clothes, arms, anything to stop each other's bodies falling apart. </p>
<p>In the aftermath, both of them stay where they are, letting their heartbeats and breathing return to normal. The moment feels fragile. Merlin can't shake the feeling that the slightest wrong move will shatter the remnants of what just happened, and things between them will be irreversibly changed. Things are already irreversibly changed, of course; neither of them will ever be able to pretend this didn't happen. At least, Merlin knows he will never be able to forget all the sensations that just flooded his body, nor the fact that they were created at the hands of Arthur. </p>
<p>Arthur is the first to move, and Merlin holds his breath waiting for Arthur to utter that first, vital sentence that will determine what happens to them from here. What Arthur does, is peer down at the stain on the front of his breeches and say, "Sorry about that Merlin. Those were clean."</p>
<p>"Oh, don't worry about it." Merlin slips back into his usual tone so easily it almost concerns him. "I'll sort it out for you, as always."</p>
<p>"No, don't worry about it. I'll...make do," Arthur mutters. "You should be heading back."</p>
<p>This feels to Merlin an awful lot like Arthur's trying to get rid of him as quickly as possible. He frowns. "I'm supposed to walk all the way back with...with this all over me?" He gestures to the stain on his own breeches. </p>
<p>"You'll be fine, no-one will notice." Arthur rolls his eyes. A silence follows, the weight of something unsaid hanging between them. </p>
<p>"Well. Goodnight, then," Merlin says eventually. </p>
<p>"Yes. Goodnight."</p>
<p>For a moment, Merlin wants desperately to stay. He wants to stay, and to tell Arthur that...Well. He doesn't really know what he wants to tell Arthur, only that there's something. So instead, he turns to leave, still hesitant in case Arthur should call out to him, ask him to stay. But no call comes, and soon Merlin finds himself alone outside Arthur's bedchambers, the stones of the corridor seeming awfully cold and unwelcoming after the fire of Arthur's room. Glancing around to make sure no-one is watching, Merlin quickly flashes his eyes at the stain on his breeches, and it disappears. He can save himself that embarassment at least. After waiting outside Arthur's room for a few more minutes, just in case he does change his mind and come after Merlin, Merlin quietly accepts that whatever change he felt between them was clearly only felt on his side. And he heads back to his chambers, hoping that at least some shred of what him and Arthur shared before will be waiting for him in the morning.</p>
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